Hello Friends!
Warning: Full transparency ahead
I was scrolling through my pictures the other day and noticed something…
I completely stopped taking selfies.
As a former selfie queen, this was a bit shocking to me, but in reality it’s not surprising at all. Ever since I had Juju, I’ve become hyper sensitive about my appearance. I don’t think I look the same. My face has more weight in it and my gut, although it’s not that bad, it certainly requires a bit more effort on my part than holding my breath to look slim in a photo.
Having babies is hard. I never thought it would be easy. I had a pretty perfect experience with pregnancy and motherhood though. I had no issues outside of your typical first trimester sickness, from there I was able to work out multiple times per week, take pregnancy yoga from my 4th month until week 38. Great delivery experience (to the extent that this is possible). Our biggest hurdle has been that Juju never liked sleeping through the night (it took 15.5 months) but otherwise he was a great and happy baby. I have an amazing village to support me and unlimited vacation days at work.
I don’t have it hard at all…I am blessed!
But there are still some days when I feel overwhelmed. Days when I feel like this can’t be the next 18 years. I could not imagine being a single parent, or having post partum or having relationship problems while trying to parent or any of the multitude of things tons of moms deal with everyday while flawlessly juggling their kids.
And because I don’t have a lot of barriers between me and good parenting, I am even more critical of myself because I didn’t “bounce back” to myself. I felt like I needed to be pre-baby weight, killing it at work, growing my own vegetables, all while teaching my infant how to sign,” systematic racism” and walk before his 1st birthday. It is TEW much!
Why are moms under so much pressure? And before you say we drive ourselves into these frenzies, there is an undeniable pressure coming from somewhere that leads us down these unhealthy expectations for ourselves.
But the fact that I had to face was after you have a baby you are a new form of yourself. The pre-baby me is a memory. That doesn’t mean that I’m not the same person, it just means that I have to get in touch with the new me.
And I can’t lie…
This new version of myself doesn’t enjoy working out as much as the old self did. But I’ve been working out long enough to know that it is critical to my wellbeing and overall health. So begrudgingly I push through.
The new me can’t say no to food as easily as the old me. Oh and about that Quarantine baking hobby…
Most of this is likely a result of still breastfeeding after 18-months . My hormones are still wacky and I’m just as hungry as I was when I was pregnant! Also my hair and nails are thin due to the nutritional strain making milk puts on body. These are a large source of my confidence.
And let’s not rule out this being quarantine blues…
When outside and work we’re open, I ate reasonable and worked out anywhere from 1-4 times per week. I was fairly consistent but my workouts weren’t quality.
And insert silver lining…
In the last month, I have definitely stepped my workout game up. Having no other choice, I finally got over my inability to work out at home. I’ve done everything from Yoga on my deck to running the bleachers at the park up the street. Now I do some sort of physical activity pretty much every day with 3-4 of those days including a legit sweat session. But then there is my quarantine diet undermining it all.
But now that Daycare is back in session and working from home feels more professional, my diet has significantly changed. I’ve gone back to fasting until noon. Working out, although I’m not getting as much walking in now as I was when Juju was still home.
But I am getting much more strength training.
I already feel better and looking better will come. My goal is just to tone up and lose maybe 5-10 lbs.
I wrote this as a reminder to myself and to you, to allow yourself grace! If you get up and give your best on the daily you deserve praise! Quarantine has been hard in so many ways we can’t even measure yet. We have to celebrate ourselves for surviving.
I love this so much. I think we moms are the worst at giving ourselves grace even though we’ll give it to everyone else.
You got this! Motherhood is so admirable. I don’t know what it is like to have kids although after eating a lot of food I can push my stomach out and it looks like I am pregnant. I can’t imagine those kinds of challenges that come with having a baby. It sounds like you are doing just fine. 🙂 Keep it up!
Your comment made me literally laugh out loud! Thank you for your comment and kind words lol
Having babies is so very hard. I really did enjoy the youngest years and I do love babies but as they get older, oh my word—Sometimes I feel like the Lord is testing me. 😉 Hang in there mama! You are doing great! We all need to give ourselves grace!
When he starts talking I’m not sure what I’m going to do! Lol
Go momma!! I don’t have a kid yet, but I just recently got married and I have become so busy managing the home, working, and serving in church that I have not really been able to pamper myself much. I just recently started squeezing in 30 minutes of exercise per day and I can feel some normalcy coming!
Reading through this post, I really think that you have turned the corner in many ways and are feeling so much more confident now as a mother. More power to you! The next 18 years will definitely not be more of the same and you will enjoy so many special moments ahead. Best wishes to you in your journey of motherhood.
Good for you for getting control of your workout routine! I have been wanting to for some time but life is so over my head right now. I hope to be seeing some sort of normal in the next month and then start working on my own diet and workout routines.
I started with a daily 1 mile walk and now look forward to that time outside everyday.
I just want to give you a hug. You are incredibly self reflective and honest, which I’m grateful to have read today. Please try and take it easy on yourself. Sometimes when re release the pressure, things flow more easily. I can tell you are not a complacent person, so I think if you relax your pressure, your natural go getter ness will take care of you. Thanks for sharing your truth and reality!
Thank you! *Virtual hugs!*
I swear Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had. Raising babies and self-care is tough. I love the grace you are giving yourself. As I age, I realize I have gotten pretty good at prioritizing. And if things get done they do and if they don’t there is always tomorrow. Happy Birthday!!
Thank you for the birthday wishes! I am great a prioritizing normally but motherhood as tested my skills. But so much more to learn.
As a mother myself, I can say I totally relate with you on that. Motherhood is not easy and you should give yourself a pat in the back for pushing through.
Thank you Mama! It’s good to get encouragement from other mothers that we are all doing a great job!
don’t stop taking selfies. i remember when i was on prednisone, i read that advise and it was so right. i laugh now looking back at those photos of my bloated face.
Good idea! I’ve been taking so many more since realizing I stopped taking them.
The fact is you look a perfect mommy. And yes do take selfies, I do even though I am a mom of a 10 year old boy. Its like inside happiness, a love of your own self. That is also needed, a space for me.
Great insight and thank you so much!
Im not a mom but I am a dad and I remember when my girlfriend just gave birth she was so discouraged. Eventually she bounce back like I remember her saying. The thing his that she was always beautiful to my eyes and even more after giving birth and holding my son in her arm.
My husband says the same thing! It’s good to have support. Not sure how I would feel without encouraging words from him. Good job Dad!
It takes courage to be a mom. You are doing great. Being a mom takes a lot of experience!
You can take selfies with your little. They’ll be appreciated by you both, many years from now. 🙂
It’s not easy being a mother, the stress, the sacrifice and a lot. You are such a great mother. High 5 for you.
Ooohhhh….it is so nice to hear you are getting your strength training back, yeah? It’s a good thing.
being a mom isnt always rainbows and lollypops but in the end it’s worth it. hang in their mama. you got this.